If you are anything like me, thinking about it seems really strange and can bring up fear and anger.
Wow! Is it ever nice to breathe and wake up each morning and have a new day.
What will it be like not to breathe? I dunno… What will it be like to not have a new day? I dunno…
No matter what we believe these thoughts of our mortality can be deeply awkward with whip cream and multi–colored sprinkles on-top.
But then, life, in truth, is very Awkward. Think about being born, and not knowing how to feed or toilet yourself. Yes, unless you were a potty training prodigy, you like me went through a ton or two of diapers when you were an infant. (It’s a miracle our parents still have a sense of smell)
We can go to war with the countless varieties, flavors and shades of Awkwardness in life. I warred for endless years with the fact that I would one day die. I got angry about it. I tried to deny it. I grew afraid of it. I developed deep anxiety.
How do you deal with the fact that you will one day die? Do you go to war with it? Or do you have a much more peaceful approach than I did?
Most people didn’t know about my war because I waged it very quietly. I waged it for the most part on the inside. I took it into my gut, into my bones, into the places no one else could see.
Do you ever wage war on the inside?
I made my breath shallow. I clenched my body. I was like a little kid, hoping if I held my breath long enough, my obligation to die one day would be waved.
But you know what? After all my internal struggles, I’m still going to die one day.
Hating the awkwardness of dying one day did nothing to help it become less awkward.
So if going to battle with awkwardness only makes it more painfully awkward, is there another option?
Could the awkwardness of dying one day possibly become awesome?
After years of suffering, I finally discovered that the answer is Yes!
and it involves a four letter word
Yes, you and I are alive.
Now when fear-filled thoughts of eventual death come up, I use them to remind me to focus on my new favorite four letter word….
Look around you. What do you see? Life.
Feel your arms and face. What do you feel? Life.
Breathe in. Life.
Breathe out. Life.
Life. Life. Life. Life.
Now I view the awkwardness of knowing that I will die one day as AWESOME because it focuses me on living.
Life is very deeply Awkward. But if we are open to seeing ourselves in new ways and acting in new ways the awesome can definitely emerge.
What is deeply awkward for you?
May you keep viewing this awkwardness from fresh angles and taking new actions, until your awkwardness becomes awesome.